guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
