Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
