i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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