trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
