So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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