she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
