That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You have to summon your inner elephant
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Randomize
