tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I wish there were birth control emojis
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Randomize
