Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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