I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I will be naked everywhere
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
i think im in europe. pls send help
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
wow bdsm is so cute
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