Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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