i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
