Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
