Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
the day after is always just damage control
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
