Grow some girl-balls and come out already
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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