it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
i've created a new STD.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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