She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
