Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
