when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
