I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
