I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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