i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
