i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
