I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
