no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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