I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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