So many bounce houses so little time
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
