It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
