I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
