i can't believe i had my finger in that
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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