my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
