Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
