I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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