i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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