Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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