I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
PANTIES FOUND
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