tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
