They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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