Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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