I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
These tits shall not be calmed
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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