I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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