heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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