This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
