And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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