shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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