Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
