Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Randomize
