Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
