My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
they're like a gay fantastic four
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
