id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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