i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
