I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
