Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(916): View more from California

He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics

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(919): View more from North Carolina

the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.

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(314): View more from Missouri

shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.

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(815): View more from Illinois

If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again

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(503): View more from Oregon

Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.

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(419): View more from Ohio

The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.

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(757): View more from Virginia

So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.

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